It’s always been my ambition to set up my own business and this year I’ve finally done it. I’m making great progress and off to a promising start, but I’m having real problems with my business partner. And so I wrote a short play about it.
Characters:
Naomi (founder of her own business, team leader, ex-broadcast journalist, Cambridge graduate)
Naomi’s business partner (we’ll call her Doris – Doubting Doris)
Scene One:
Naomi: Agrees to deliver a piece of work for a client
Doris: Why did you do that? That thing looks really hard. I don’t think you can do a good enough job.
Naomi: Erm… sorry? Who are you? I don’t have a business partner, I’m a sole trader.
Doris: I’m your inner critic. People also refer to me as the Chimp, or if they’re French and fancy they say inner saboteur. I’m here to make you doubt yourself. I’ll tell you everything that can go wrong and why you can’t do this. You’re welcome.
Naomi: Great – sounds super helpful. What were you saying about this piece of work?
Doris: Well it’s difficult, isn’t it? You’re a bit scared of doing it. You certainly should be… I say we put it off for a bit and hopefully it’ll go away.
Naomi: I’ve got to do it – I’m being paid to do it. I want to do it – it’ll be good for me.
Doris: Nah, it’s hard. Leave it I reckon. Safer to leave it than get it done and do a bad job…
Naomi: What makes you think I’ll do a bad job?
Doris: Well people do things badly all the time. Therefore… logic.
Scene Two:
The next day…
Naomi: Responding to a request from a potential new client
Doris: Hi! Here I am! What’s that you’re agreeing to do?
Naomi: Well someone wants to potentially hire me and I think I could do a great job
Doris: Why have they asked you? That’s not what you do. There’s way more people out there that could do that way better. You should tell them that. Say no.
Naomi: But I want to do it. It sounds interesting.
Doris: Doesn’t mean you’ll be any good at it though, does it? You’ll let them down and then no-one else will hire you.
Naomi: I don’t see how you could possibly know that.
Doris: Well it’s a thing that could happen.
Naomi: Maybe so – but you know what, I’m going to do it anyway. I’m more than qualified for this.
Doris: Are you? You studied medieval languages – what does that have to do with anything relevant?
Naomi: LANGUAGES!!! Words! Oh just shut up
Scene Three:
Naomi: Writing something for a client
Doris: Oh you’re going with that word? Really?
Naomi: What’s wrong with this word?
Doris: Well it’s fine I guess… if you don’t know any better ones…
Naomi: What the…?
Doris: You should probably read more. Then you’d know better words. Why don’t you buy another book?
Naomi: I’m ahead of my reading goal for the year and I don’t need to buy any more books, thanks. Do you have anything helpful to say?
Doris: Nope. Not really the point of me
Naomi: Great. Well I don’t want you here. I don’t have to listen to this.
Doris: Oh but you do! I’m inside your head. You can try ignoring me – it’s pretty tiring though. Don’t think you can do it.
Naomi: Well I’m gonna give it a go. I like a challenge. Just gonna hit mute. Byeeeeee!
Doris: You can’t…You’re not supposed to…
Naomi: See ya never!
Scene Four:
Doris: (blows out cheeks) That is quite a lot of money for writing some words. Who do you think you are, Shakespeare?
Naomi: No-one needs me to be Shakespeare. I’m me. And I have things to say and value to add to the world.
Doris: Wow you sound like something from a bad charity single. I guess you want “to make the world a better place” too?
Naomi: Well, what kind of person doesn’t actually want to have a positive impact on the world?
Doris: raises hand
Naomi: Oh of course. Silly me. Anyway, if you’ll excuse me, I’m working out how much to charge for this piece of work.
Doris: Go lower! Much lower! Your client will walk away if you ask for that
Naomi: But if they want the job done well they’ll pay this amount. If they do walk away I can learn from it. Maybe they weren’t right for me.
Doris: You’re so greedy. Haven’t you got enough money already?
Naomi: I’m running a business! This is what my time is worth!
Doris: Why would someone pay you to do something they could easily do themself?
Naomi: Well not everyone can do this, or enjoys it, or has time. And on the subject of paying someone to do things you could do yourself – the UK cleaning industry is worth over £50 billion pounds. That’s a lot of money people could be saving if we all listened to you.
Now go. A. Way!